Jokes of the Tropics & other Jokes |
|||||||
Subject: As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280.
Please be careful!" said Herman, "it's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Overheard at a computer store: When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the "That's the one!" That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his #$&^ing guide dog bit me."
|
Hi, there!! I'm the editor responsible for this joke page.
We don't have joke categories here & we don't have too many graphics on the page so it loads quickly. When we need a joke, we need it right away!! RIGHT??!!!?? Best Sports fishing in the world in Islamorada!! Islamorada fishing charters!
We add new jokes all the time so sign up Great golfing at Cheeca Lodge in Islamorada!!
What We encourage you to do is to send our joke page to your friends A Joke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away!!! Rent a Boat in the Keys for fishing, diving, cruising, snorkeling & exploring the back country!!
|
||||||
| Subject: THE TOP 50 OXYMORONS: |
Even though we can now explain differences between men and women's social conducts genetically (that's the best excuse I've heard for years), several facts remain puzzling. Distinguished professors in the field think answer may be a few centuries away yet ... for instance, can you explain why: Men are biologically incapable of letting a women light a barbecue. Heterosexual women are not frightened by lesbians, whereas heterosexual men are terrified of homosexuals -- once they are pointed out to them, by women. Men have flu, women have colds. Single-tasking men do one thing well at a time: (e.g. drink a cup of coffee.) In the same time a multitasking women can make breakfast, make the children's sandwiches, organize the window cleaner, phone the office, dress the children, write shopping list, iron a shirt and de-flea the cat. Women have not yet realized this is an evolutionary disadvantage. Men warm their posteriors at the fire, women do not. Women's posteriors enable them to sit comfortably on the floor, men's do not. A man who regularly visits his mother is a mommy's boy. A woman who does the same is a good daughter. A man who has no difficulty in undressing an adult woman will nevertheless prove incapable of fitting a small child into a nightgown. A woman believes that visitors will be impressed by a clean house. Exactly the same haircut will cost $30 more for a woman than it will for a man. One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger & faster & more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about & hunting fleet-footed ruminants, & not altogether bad in the sack."
|
 Great Places to Stay in the Florida Keys!!! Key West hotels Key Largo hotels Islamorada hotels Marathon hotels Make Reservations Today with our Online Hotel Reservations Booking!! |
|
| Men know..... That Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. That PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house. That if she looks like your mother, run. That there are at least three sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth. Never to run away from a fight that you know you can win. That cats are evil and cannot be trusted. That men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there. |
How to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game. Exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them. That from time to time, is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself. That a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them. That the reason men don't like cats is because they don't know how to cook them. That there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi... |
|
From: nancy peters "It's a guy thing." "Can I help with dinner?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." "It would take too long to explain." "We're going to be late." "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." "That's interesting, dear." "It's a really good movie." "That's women's work." "You know how bad my memory is." "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." The doctor asks his 85 year old patient how he's been.. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor. A Brunette is walking down the middle of the railroad tracks repeating "21, 21, 21." A blonde asks her, "What are you doing?" Brunette replies, "Just having some fun." The blonde decides to join her repeating, 21, 21, 21. A train approaches and the brunette jumps out of the way and the blonde gets hit and killed by the train. The brunette returns to the track and continues walking along repeating "22, 22,22."
|
| From: mermaidcoastal@yahoo.com >An over 40 woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If an over 40 woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting. >An over 40 woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants, and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing. An over 40 woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and commitment." The last thing she wants in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover. Over 40 women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Over 40 women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. An over 40 woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. A woman over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an over 40 woman. They always know. An over 40 woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Over 40 women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise over 40 women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. >Andy Rooney |
Vet TaxMy friend tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinary school. His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back!" An old Indian, standing on the corner. Good-lookin' woman passes by, on The same happens several days in a row. Woman walks past, The Indian raises his hand, and says, "Chance!" Finally, one day, she can't ignore it any longer, stops, and asks, "You're an Indian, aren't you?" He nods. She says, "I always thought Indians said 'How!´ as a greeting. " Indian says, "Already know how, just want chance!" I've sure gotten old. I've had 2
By-pass surgeries. |
Fabulous Fishing Reports
|
WRONG NUMBER Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
|
Men are.........Men are like ... newborn babies Men are like ... vacuum cleaners Men are like ... soap operas Men are like ... old car tires Men are like ... coolers. Men are like ... chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right to your hips. Men are like ... coffee
Catch the Big Ones with our Fishing Videos!
Take a Fishing charter in Key West FINAL EXAM Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers." |
"Amazing Techniques" DVD Video - $29.95
|
||
|
|
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." |
Some Great One Liners!!!! Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler |
Florida Keys Real Estate for Sale The 100 year old man was having a big birthday party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day. Reporter: Please tell our audience how you managed to live so long. Old Man: I don't ever drink. I never smoked, and I stayed away from wild women. Just then there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking older man with a foul smelling cigar in one hand and spilling what smelled like whisky from the glass in his other hand. He pauses for a moment, looks at the crowd and lets out a hardy "Hee, hee, HEE!" and continues the pursuit. Reporter: What was that all about?!? Old Man: Please excuse that, my father gets out of control sometimes.
|
|
|
PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL TERMS AND THEIR REAL MEANINGS Good Communication Skills - Spends lots of time on phone Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota." |
Have an Extra-Specially Fun Time At Wal-Mart! |
|
|||||
|
Rss feed 
The differences between a man and a woman
Wouldn't you reather be fishing?? 
Islamorada Information
